Peer Pressure
I happened to catch Talk of the Nation today (listen to the broadcast here), while they were talking with Andrew Harrer regarding his op ed piece in the NYT (which you can read in full here). One thing that really stuck with me ab
out the piece was this comment by Candance Bushnell
“So if you are in a culture where spending a lot of money is a sign of success, it’s like the same thing that goes back to high school peer pressure. It’s about fitting in.”
This didn’t stick with me because I feel for the bankers making 7 figures, I took it in a personal way. I strongly believe that everyone should strive to live within their means- save a little if you can ($10 a month is better than nothing). My stream of consciousness ran away with me and I started to wonder about what kind of peer pressure I inadvertently put on those around me? Are their those in my social circle that feel pressured to spend more to feel accepted? I began to question this trip a large group of us is taking to California next month.
I went even farther….blogging. I’ve seen it posted all over; reading blogs can give even the best of us a case of the gimmies. I admit even I gave some serious thought to FLOR tiles after reading about them all over the blogoshpere. I wondered, when I show off my treasures (as humble as I might think they are) am I unintentionally making another feel that they have less? Creating what some may see as a “popular blog culture”? Do we try to fit in with other bloggers?
I’m very interested in this topic and not so good at articulating my thoughts. I vow to be much more conscious now of what I write and the image it may be sending out about my socio-economic status. I would LOVE to hear what you think about this. Do you feel pressured to buy certain things or live a certain way based on your associations? Does this apply when you read blogs too? Do you have friends that make/spend less than you? Is that a challenge to your friendship?
February 9th, 2009 at 11:53 pm
I do feel a certain pressure with certin friends to have/be certain things…but I feel the pressure is all mine. I do it to myself. I avoid those friends more. I surround myself with my friends that don’t make me feel like I have to be/do/have certin things. As for blogs, I haven’t ever felt that way. So many of the crafters blogs are about using what you have, making for yourself, reusing old items…so I have never felt a “pressure” on that front.
February 10th, 2009 at 3:50 am
I know when I sit here and run through my blog reader and see blog after blog where these women are raising 3 or 4 kids, maintaining a marriage, with a fabric stash the size mine used to be and never seem to break a sweat that I get a bit jealous. I don’t feel pressure and I know enough to ignore it if I do but sometimes it sucks to have a lower income. It’s about perception, what the bloggers choose to show.
February 10th, 2009 at 9:13 am
I listened to that as well. Yes, I do have a particular set of friends that make more than us, quite a bit more in fact. It was a challenge in the beginning, but not so much anymore because I decided to not let it be. I’ll talk to you about it some time. I agree with Christina; I like to surround myself with people that are in my same financial bracket if you will.
February 10th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
I notice that when all my friends stop at fast food places on the way to the park, I am more tempted to do the same but if you do that twice a week and you have 3 kids (not just one), then you will be spending waayyy more (well that is what I tell myself). I also try to remind myself that I spend my money on different things (like visiting sisters and parents) that probably cost more than their trips to the fast food places.
I want things that people post about but not enough to do anything about it (or after talking with Bryan, I really don’t want it, I just think I do).
February 10th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
I heard the same story you did, and I wasn’t really all that surprised by it. I’ve spent enough time with the rich and very rich to know how entitled many of them are. Although, it is not true of absolutely everyone with money. I have also spent time with very generous, down-to-earth people with money.
February 10th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Sure, I’ve felt the envy of others both in real life and through blogs. The hardest thing for me is when someone (or several blogs)raves about something and I can’t get it because it’s too expensive. What I’ve found though, is that those people generally get it for free from the companies. Typically when there are several bloggers out there raving about the same thing, chances are that the companies have asked them to do a review for them. So, that makes it a tad easier. Then I know that they may be in the same boat as I am, just have better luck
Normally though, i am just happy for other people and their good fortune. I really love when people find great things through thrifting (like that dress you found, SO CUTE!)
Now in real life…well, most of my friends are in the same boat as I am, so that is nice. We don’t go out to eat, just get together at someone’s house for lunch and playing. It makes it really easy that way.
February 10th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
[...] I really appreciate your responses to the peer pressure post…i’ve been thinking about it all so much [...]
February 10th, 2009 at 7:35 pm
I’m a little late posting about the topic, but I would like to write about the topic.
I read blogs because I admire the creativity of many bloggers (such as yourself). I never fully developed my creative side, so I’m trying now that I have children and they love to create. I also love to observe how people interact with their children and encourage them to live a meaningful life (I can say that Soulemama and her book have changed the way I raise my children — and I’m not alone in that respect).
So, in answer to your question, the only thing I really envy (is it envy if I just would like to be a little more creative like that person?) is people’s ability to express themselves through art.
As far as my friends and their socio-economic status, we are all on the same boat: spending our money wisely and thankful for our husbands (and ourselves, in some cases) to still have a job.
I love your blog, by the way. I’m a fellow Arizonian
February 10th, 2009 at 10:29 pm
I feel a little peer pressure to buy certain things when amongst my friends. But seeing things on blogs doesn’t make me feel that same “pressure”. Sure, some things might give me a small case of the ‘I wants’, but most of the time it seems like a little glimpse into the personality of the person posting it, and if it gives me a good idea for a project/recipe/solution… even better!
February 11th, 2009 at 10:05 am
I’ve always been very thrifty (I shop second hand stores, cut my kids hair, eat leftovers) and never quite understood the need to have things. I think there are so many more people being conscience of their spending and it seems to becoming “trendy” to be thrifty. That makes me happy. I think people who spend lots of money on things because they have money are so wasteful – why spend more on something when you could get the same product for less. It is like literally throwing away money.
Most all of my friends are thrifty like me. And most of my friends are creative in one way or another i.e. quilters, scrapbookers, cooks etc. and I think creative people tend to be thrifty because it is invigorating to make something out of very little. We can turn pieces of fabric into blankets, bags, clothes – that’s pretty cool.
You are an inspiration to this – because your mind is always working and you are always making things and inspiring people with your ideas. Thank you for that.
February 11th, 2009 at 9:33 pm
Sorry I am a little late with responding to this post, but I just read it today and it is funny because just today I was sort of thinking about this topic. I asked myself the question…Am I wasting my time looking at blogs? Is it benefical? or is it making me want more?…but i quickly came to the realization that yes it does make me want more…but what it makes me want is to be more creative. It helps me recognize how I can be a better person. Reading others blogs has been a source of encouragement to help me want to be that better person. We all need community, but the key point I realized was that we have to be real. It is easy to hide things online because people can’t really SEE our lives, they just hear about it and see snapshots. So instead of envying over someones perfectly organized house, I have to realize that they may also have a messy drawer or table just like I do and I don’t need to break my back to be the perfectionist that it may seem I need to be. Does that make sense?…humm..hard to explain, but I tried.
February 24th, 2009 at 10:13 am
I think reading blogs absolutely makes me envious of many of the talented and oh-so-productive women. It is really hard to resist the gorgeous fabrics and yarn that so many people talk about. I also find myself very envious of their lifestyles. So many of the blogs I read are of either stay-at-home moms, or women who are self employed. Maybe it doesn’t give them more time to do projects, but it certainly appears that way. I sometimes wonder if reading these blogs has contributed to my lack of enjoyment from my job, or is that just that more time has passed in my current employment and I am truly bored by it? I would love to sew and create all day long with a flourishing Etsy shop. But financially, it’s a scary thought. Yet you see so many others doing it. I think it is weird thing that we can be so envious of someone we hardly know, but I guess that is life. I do like though that other bloggers accomplishing things pushs me to actually finish projects!
Hopefully that all makes sense! Thanks for such a thought provoking post. It was really fun to read the comments by others as well.