My Maternal Grandmother
…died a few weeks before I was born.
I am named after her (my middle name is her first name). What I know about her has been pieced together over the years.
I’ve always felt a hole in my life because I never knew her. I’ve wondered about her my whole life; but more so since I became a mother myself. She chose a life path similar to my own, and many many times I have longed to sit and talk with her about this path. What were her struggles, her joys, what did she learn through the various phases of life, what advice would she offer, what encouragement could she give?
Sometimes I think that we would have been close, that as I grew I would have really appreciated her and learned from her. Other times I wonder if I romanticize things too much, perhaps she wouldn’t have been interested in me, maybe she would have liked my sister better…she has the glamorous life my Grandmother never had.
I wonder if her 5 kids ran her ragged, did she like to take naps as often as she could, or was she one of those women that can run on pure adrenaline? What kind of mother was she? Did she read bedtime stories to the kids every night? I’m told she never let her kids head off to school without a hot breakfast- cold cereal was for Saturdays only!
Some things I do know…she liked to travel- and managed to travel from the Marshall Islands to Saudi Arabia and many points in between. This photo is of her in Austria- it was taken within days of her death. She was only 44.
I know she liked to sew. I still sew on her machine, an Elna SU 62C. What did she like to sew I wonder? Could I have sat at her knee as a child and watched her sew, or did she prefer to sew alone? Would she have made me little dresses?
My mother tells me I have my Grandmother’s nose. I’m pretty sure I have her hands and her skin, my husband took one look at this picture and agreed with me.
Doesn’t she look so stylish here, in a Mad Men sort of way? I suppose she lives on in the spirit of her children. Little bits of her, maybe the way she rolled her eyes, or her love of entertaining, her sense of adventure…maybe those are sprinkled amongst my aunts and uncles….
But I wish I could have known her.
April 12th, 2010 at 9:14 am
I feel the same way about my paternal Grandfather. It would have been nice to have met him just once. And it would have been nice to have been able to get to know my paternal Grandmother a little better, too. She died when I was about 8 and I don’t remember much about her. It’s wonderful to know we will get to see them again. It’s the waiting that’s the hard part.
April 12th, 2010 at 1:19 pm
What a lovely post! My grandma was alive for most of my childhood. Unfortunately, when we did see each other, my grandma always turned on movies. We never talked or did things together. I wish I knew the same things you wonder about your grandma.
She does look pretty stylin’. Dont you wish we could get away with wearing some of that stuff?
April 13th, 2010 at 7:19 am
This was beautiful, Heather! She has left a legacy, for sure. Reminds me of my father’s mother who died when he was only 6. I should do more research.
April 13th, 2010 at 12:02 pm
This made me sad and happy at the same time – what a way to celebrate her, by wishing you could have known her more, and how lucky she would be to know you. 44 is so young (especially as we creep toward that age!! It gets younger every year!). I am a huge nostalgia person, and I completely get what you’ve written here. It sounds like you are a lot like her, which probably makes it even harder.
April 15th, 2010 at 4:36 am
what an incredible post — the photos are so evocative of the times and i think you and your grandmother bear more than a passing resemblance! grandmothers are such a force — i watch my daughters interact with my own mom and think about my very different relationships with my two grandmothers. one was so glamorous, the other “the good cook”. i am still drawn to vintage jewelry that reminds me of each of them. thank you for such lovely words!!