Comments on: Good Job

By: Kathleen

Kathleen — Tue, 02 Oct 2012 17:22:44 +0000

hummm … there is so much here. We totally need to meet for a piece of pie and cocoa. We each have a complicated back story when it comes to compliments. As I age, I am trying to do a better job of simply saying thank you when someone pays me a compliment. I fight the urge to qualify or lessen their affections, worried that saying ‘thank you’ is being vain. Rather than appreciating their willingness to think outside themselves and recognize the worth of another and speak. When we do not recognize the worth of another and say something, I am beginning to realize it can be a sign of being too focused on one’s self, too absorbed in what is happening in ones life, rather than what is going on around us and being present in life. I’d never thought of it that way and I am extremely guilty of being too focused on my own life and insecurities rather than valuing those around me and letting them know that I value them.

On a different note, have you noticed that society has started to give praise for everything a child does — just for participating, not necessarily for trying their hardest or doing their best? It probably stems from a desire not to hurt their self esteem or feelings of self worth. But is it accomplishing what they initially intended? We notice this at the kids chess tournaments. In the younger age grades everyone gets a metal — the same award if you are in the top 10 or the bottom 10. But when you get older, the same accommodations aren’t in place, and yet their self esteem, their feelings of self worth are in my mind more fragile. It seems we’re all seeking for a balance in encouraging hard work, determination and doing our very best, and rewarding great achievement to the few who reach that. And reconciling to ourselves that both are good, acceptable and okay.

By: amy

amy — Tue, 25 Sep 2012 02:55:14 +0000

oh heather, this meant so much to me. i am working on a post about it, in fact — in my head — it’s taking a while….. but i wanted to let you know i am really touched by your words. i do think it’s not so much that i 100% doubt a compliment — more that i can’t giddily embrace it the way sophie does…. you know? more to come. xo

By: karin

karin — Sat, 22 Sep 2012 21:18:19 +0000

Just so you know, I read every post and comment in my head on every post but with the boys “helping” or just needing attention, the comment does not always make it to the blog.

I think I have a pretty good BS radar too. And I do not give out compliments just to give them out. I’m working on complimenting more though. I also have a hard time accepting compliments, I’m working on that.

By: Hilary

Hilary — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 01:20:08 +0000

I am awful at taking compliments, and I’m not so great at giving compliments. I really want to be sincere so sometimes I just don’t find anything.
But I will thank you for just about anything.
I don’t really think when someone says “good job” — I guess it just shows me I’m on the right track…

By: Chris

Chris — Tue, 18 Sep 2012 23:26:24 +0000

I haven’t had this trial, but can see where you would be dismissive of someone’s praise. I have never considered if someone thought I was fake or lying. Rather than parse my praise, I’ve tried to find something real I could recognize whenever I could encourage. Perhaps I’ve been a bit liberal with that, but I’d rather err on the side of more than less.