Last week my friend Amy posted about struggling through math with her daughter. To tell you the truth I lost my train of thought when I read this sentence:
“She smiled back and I thought for the millionth time about what it would feel like to actually believe it when someone told me, “Good job!” I always figure people are just being nice.”
I can’t stop thinking about it, it keeps fluttering around in my head, poking me and asking me how I feel about it. I feel compelled to bullet my thoughts about this so I can clear my head.
- There is much truth in it. I have a pretty good B.S. radar, because a lot of people feel compelled to say nice things that they don’t mean for the sake of propriety. It annoys the heck out of me.
- Amy is talented, kind, open and carries an amazing strength. I have a hard time believing she has never accepted a “Good Job” from anyone.
- I don’t appreciate idle compliments, and for the record, I don’t give them.
- I believe it takes humility to give a compliment. The perfectionist in me wants to believe that I can do everything and I can be the best at everything. It requires humility and the ability to not be threatened by others successes- to give someone else a pat on the back for their achievement.
- Confidence. Sometimes compliments are sincere, but unless I believe in my own abilities, I’ll never be able to believe the good that someone else sees.
- For the longest time in my life I never believed a single person who said something good about me or my abilities. Growth can sometimes come slowly, but I can honestly say at this point I accept more compliments than I reject. It is a good place to be.
Amy if you are reading this, try this on for size. When we talked about your “secret writing party” and I told you how much I appreciated and could identify with your voice, I meant it.
**I know I don’t get a whole lot of comments here, but I would love to hear from you about this one. I am so in need of a good philosophic discussion. I have spent one too many hours this week having “conversations” with a toddler about the merit of pooping in a potty, not underpants!**