There is nothing I love more than spring thunderstorms!  They are few and far between here in the desert.  We welcomed spring with a bit of a cold snap (no complaining from me, I know we will more than make up for it very very soon).

I happened upon these sweet little baby ducks on my morning bike ride along the canal.  There were 13!  My girlfriend and I marveled that momma duck could have hatched 13 eggs, she just didn’t seem large enough to sit on that many!  She fought off other ducks as we threw cheerios and graham crackers to the babies, which made me cheer.  I am all about mommas fighting for what is best for their babies.  I will go down as the biggest advocate for my children!

Just for fun, I snapped this through the crack in the door at nap time, she was almost asleep!  She always looks so tiny to me, snuggled up on her bed…

Last night I sat at the computer looking through old family slides from the 60′s thru the early 80′s.  I was looking for images of my father around the age of 8, I wanted to compare them to images of my son.  I decided while he is built like a Clark his face is not that of a Clark, he looks like his father, a Hales.

The images are of my family- a part of my past, but they are just that- images, on a screen.  Snatches of time, the poignancy of the moments they were taken is gone.  Faded memories in the back of someones mind.  I scrolled through images of my grandmother at my age, 34, holding her 6th (and last) child-my father-in her arms. Through photos of my Great Grandma (who has been gone nearly 20 years now) standing on the Israeli shores with her bright yellow tour bag.  It was nice to see her face after so many years, mixed in with photos of relatives I don’t know.

These images reminded me that it was only a matter of time before my life and my photos became images on a screen for future generations.  What seems so vital, so important and urgent in my life today will quickly fade into the recesses of the past.  It was a gentle reminder to keep life in perspective.  I just need to do my best each day and not take myself or my “problems” to seriously.  Life is short and this existence I call my own is just one very small moment in a very long time line of human experience.

I like when life hands me  these little lessons, wrapped gently in the folds of my day.

When my son saw me in a new dress this morning, he stopped in his tracks, looked at me and said- “You look real pretty mom”.

Later while singing hymns in church he whispered to me-”you sing good too mom!”

and then he willingly posed for me so I could document is sweet little face!

We set off this morning in search of snow.  We were prepared with sleds, snow pants and gloves.  We checked snow fall totals and talked to a weather aficionado.   We headed to the rim, with visions of this in our minds.  After 80 miles of nearly nonstop crying and screeching,a tense (and not good) meal at Denny’s- we arrived to find this:

Do you see that tiny bit of snow way up at the top of the mountain?  My kids tried their best to make the most of what was available.

The baby had a grand time looking at all the “go-go’s” (aka: goldfish, but it was really trout at the fish hatchery).  After this misadventure I decided we did not drive all this way just to have a bad meal at Denny’s and look at trout!  We drove back into Payson and found a park, because that would totally make the trip worth it right?  It’s not like we don’t have parks here in the Valley!

The the 2year old screamed in utter exhaustion all the way home (read: another 80 miles); finally succumbing to sleep about 20min from home.  The big kids were so so SO patient (really, they were, in case you thought I was being sarcastic) with their tired sister.  While I didn’t utter a single bad word the entire day, I sure as $#%** thought of a whole bunch of them!

p.s. we did see 2 bald eagles while we were out.  That brings my total to four bald eagles I have seen in the wild.

27 years ago, my Grandmother & Great Grandmother returned from a trip to the Orient. They brought back photos of them dressed in traditional Japanese kimonos (a photo that sat admired in our Living Room for years) and dresses for all the Granddaughters (I’m sure they brought something for the Grandson’s too, but I didn’t have any brothers so I don’t know).  My dress was a soft pale yellow and cream, with ruffles, smocking and beautiful flowers embroidered on the front.  I was in heaven!  All of us granddaughters had variations of the same dress, my sister’s was shades of blue and I’ve seen the pictures of my cousins looking much like my sister and I.

Through the many moves my mother has made over the years, each one meaning more boxes being shipped to my house.  In one box I found the dresses.  My sister has no children so my mother thought to send them both to me.  A few years back my daughter wore her aunts dress, which was sweet.  Today, she wore my dress, which was even sweeter.

I showed her a picture of Aunt Sara and I wearing our dresses:

Then I took a picture of her.

Thanks Mom, for hanging on to the dresses so they could be enjoyed by another generation….

In about 20 years time I figure you will be sitting on a therapists couch pouring out all the injustices your father and I  ever metered out to you.  About the time we told you to read a book instead of letting you play video games hindered your greater understanding of the gaming world and therefore held you back from your one true profession as a gaming programmer.  Or maybe it was the time we told you that no matter how cute, hip or “hot” you looked, that it was only over my dead body that you would be wearing that outfit out of the house; that caused your sense of self to be stifled.  Whatever it was, I am sure it was our fault.

Before you start lamenting the injustices there are some things I want you to know.  I want you to understand the all encompassing, ferocious love I have for you.  There are times when my whole being aches with love and concern for you.  Do you know how many tears I shed while wrestling your future with my own, sometimes inadequate, abilities?  The intensity with which I felt your futures weighing heavily on my chest.  How sometimes I would look at you and see my own weaknesses reflected back and cry with my whole soul wondering how I could help you avoid the pitfalls I was sure would come?

I won’t apologize for my weaknesses, because they are what help me grow.  I hope that I have taught you that we all have inadequacies and through them we learn more about ourselves and how to become stronger.

One day you will have your own children (unless we really screwed you up); I hope as you raise them you will gain a greater understanding of all that your father and I did -and sacrificed- for you.  That you will feel the weight of your children’s children as you move forward each day.  That maybe, just maybe, your heart will soften and you will recognize that it had to be, to become the wonderful person you are today.

With all my love,

Your Mother

Every time I visit Texas (for the last 10 years) it rains.  I always feel lucky, since rain is such a treat here in these parts!  My long weekend trip was no exception- there was even flooding!  I took my almost 7 year old with me this time, the trip was to celebrate her birthday and my mom’s birthday (happy birthday mom!).

Yes, she wore the crown everyday of our trip…even on the airplane ride home!  You’re only seven once I say- so live it up!

My only new years resolution this year (I’m not a fan of new years resolutions in general, I feel if you notice something in your life that needs adjusting you should take care of it right away, rather than wait for some silly day to start! ) is to keep track of all the books I read (my mother suggested I quantify even farther and keep track of how many pages each book has).     Today is the 11th and I have already finished 2 books (hooray!).  I’ve decided to keep track of them over here- on a page devoted to books!  I’d love to hear from you, add a comment and recommend a book, or tell me what you thought about one of the books on my list.

In the last week we’ve celebrated Christmas and 2 birthdays!  Next week we’ll celebrate our wedding anniversary and the following week we have one more birthday!  We really know how to make the most of the season, no?!

Christmas was celebrated by the entire Hales Family, first time since ’06.  I remember as a kid feeling like Christmas was that much more magical if we shared it with more family around.  I hope my kids will grow up feeling that way….  I’ve started the “annual post holiday purge”, so far I’ve made 2 trips to Goodwill and I suspect there will be more.  Do you clean and reorganize this time of year too?

I am now a whopping 34 years old.  I feel too young to feel as old as I do.  While stitching the embroidered bookmarks my fingers began to ache….I think the family arthritis may be rearing its unpleasant head.  I haven’t slept on my left side in over 2 weeks due to some strange shoulder muscle pain…I mean really, 34?!  I’m too young for this, especially since I exercise regularly….I could eat better I suppose (I typed this while eating a 7-layer bar).

My elmo adoring baby turned 2!  I swear at each age I say “oh this is my favorite”, 2 is no exception.  She is really the best little baby (yes, I suspect I will call her that until she is 18), and most perfect companion for my days.  When she throws temper tantrums (like she did when I wouldn’t let her have an elmo cupcake until AFTER dinner), I usually ignore her tears for 10 min or so, then I pick her up and tell her “all done, it’s time to be all done crying”.  People, 90% of the time IT WORKS!!

As I get ready to bid adieu to 2011 I find myself looking backwards, to see how far forward I have come.  It has been a year of growth, a year of stretching and a year of tremendous support from those around us who help make this beautiful life take shape. On a micro scale there are days that really tugged at me, days where I couldn’t seem to separate the good from the bad.  But through the blessed macro lens, it is so good.  So good and rich, to the point of bringing me to my knees in humility.  One of the biggest lessons that will stay with me from this year is: Compassion.  There is no such thing as too much, for others & most especially for our selves.

It’s raining in the desert today.  The skies have been grey and wet for 2 solid days now, I could not be more pleased.  @mother nature- BRING IT ON!

I’m recovering from last weeks massive fundraiser at the kids’ school and a few other things.  These grey days have been perfect for curling up on the couch…which of course leads to massive amounts of deep reflection (you to?!).  I read a book yesterday that caused a serious rift in my glorification of the 1950′s & 60′s.  Its called Cotton Queen by Pamela Morsi, and it was a light piece of fiction- easy to read and a story that isn’t quite as predictable as I thought it would be.

I am not naive to the plight of women through the centuries, I took the prerequisite Women’s studies classes that all enlightened and educated women take in college.  I was fascinated with Women’s suffrage at the tender age of 17 and wrote a history report all about the movement and the key players.  While I intellectually understood a lot of freedoms that were not available to women- even in to the 1970′s and 80′s, this book helped me to feel it, for the first time.

The thought of living through the 60′s feels like a horror movie to me. I want to kiss the ground of every woman who walked before me and paved the way for me to enjoy the freedom to: educate myself at some of the best schools; to climb as high as I am willing to on the corporate ladder; to raise my children how I know to be best without the ramification of a narrow social view.

My grandmother was a divorced mother of 6 (!!!) in the early 1960′s, I can only imagine the social isolation she must have felt and the lack of social structures to help her both care for her children and feed them.  She managed to come out on top, though no doubt it was a hard battle.

My mother became a single mom of two little girls at a tender age and at the beginning of the 1980′s.  Women were just starting to be offered the same jobs as men at that point, but the pay was no where near equatable.  I can only imagine the fear in her heart as she had to decide what to do to support my sister and I…the isolation that comes from being a single mom when all your contemporaries are young college co-eds.

I am glad that our mothers and grandmothers and great grandmothers paved the way…I hope in my own way I too can make the world a better place for my daughters.  I am grateful that they will have choices; but with those choices comes a great responsibility.  I hope they will grow to be strong, capable, and compassionate women.

(taken at Lynx Lake near Prescott, AZ)

In our early marriage I think my husbands mantra was “have an attitude of gratitude”.  Guess what?  He’s right, life is better with an attitude of gratitude.  Because when you are grateful, it makes that what you have is enough.

Here is the short list of what I am grateful for (in no particular order):
-this blog and the ability to express myself through written word
-family, for the shared past and the hope of a shared future
-amazing friends
-my husband and beautiful children
-life…the ability to experience all its highs and lows and the lessons I learn
-for my brother-in-law who agreed to cook the turkey this year
-that I have food and room to share this thanksgiving

May your day be filled with warm food, great conversation, and help in the kitchen!

xo