(this is a repost of a piece I wrote last year, mother’s day seemed like a good time to post it again.  Hope all you amazing women out there get a nap today and a pat on the back for all you do!)

(my friend Karin and me, admiring her new baby)

I’m a sought after demographic ( I think).  I’m female, white, 18-35, college educated and living in a middle class tax bracket.  Yet, I am never accurately represented in Media today.  I think I know why…

My house is not large and spacious.  I have 5 people in 1200sq feet.  My house does NOT reflect the latest Pottery Barn catalog or the retro mid century modern style.  I have piles in every room of my house.  Piles of books, toys, fabric, clean laundry, notifications from school & dental reminder cards.  My bathroom sink has minty blue toothpaste spread across the counter.  As I write this my dining room (which also doubles as a home office) floor has bits of spaghetti on it.  I’m waiting until it dries so I can sweep it up, which is easier than picking up the sticky piece by hand.

Most of my days start with vim & vigor (at least after I’ve had an hour or so to reacquaint myself with the sun), but by 10am I’ve run out of steam, and not the “I-could-sleep-anywhere” kind of exhausted (although there are those days too).  But the I’m so tired of breaking up petty fights about who looked at whom funny & protecting the baby from her overly “loving” older siblings.

That’s right, I don’ t have a nanny or a housekeeper; I stay at home with my kids while my husband works a 12 hour work day.  You might look at this and think, “oh what a luxury!” I see it more as a sacrifice.  We live a very meager life style to make this work.  I sacrifice a career, regular manicures, dinners out, a larger home, intellectual conversation, the ability to use the bathroom uninterrupted, vacations to Disney-world and that ipad I so very much want.

My kids don’t smile all the time, their clothes don’t always match (mostly because they are exerting their independence). Their struggles cannot be solved in 30min.  They fight.  Despite what we teach them, they do not always (or even frequently) use their manners.  They challenge me every single day, I am constantly thinking of their futures and second guessing every choice I make regarding them.

I don’t own the latest technological gadget (we bought our first apple i-product in 201l).  Every “extra” (and I use that term loosely) bit of money we can scrape together is spent at Sonic, for Happy Hour Dr. Pepper’s (which should be called, Mom’s Sanity Hour) or on new shoes for the kids-that they seem to outgrow within an hour of purchasing.  We don’t take vacations, unless you consider the 6 hour drive (that always takes 7, but feels like 9) to Grandma & Grandpa’s house where we work twice as hard to keep the kids in line as we would if we’d stayed home.

It is true though, that despite 3 pregnancies and almost 14 years I have only gained 5 lbs since my wedding.  But I tell you, it’s only a number on a scale, because NOTHING looks like it did 14 years ago.  Age, pregnancy and nursing are great for restructuring your body.  I recently learned firsthand what the phrase “muffin top” meant.

While my life does not match any modern media representation of motherhood I wouldn’t give this up for all the gold in California.  I chose this life, on purpose.  My husband is my best friend and my children are 3 of the best decisions I have ever made.   I made conscious choices along the road of life to lead me here.  This is where I want to be.

Lately I have had a lot of side work, which is always nice.  But, it has meant the need to seriously structure my time.  Today while showering the thought occurred to me that I have been running faster than was good for me.  I thought of a few ways to slow down, giving myself permission to drop one project off my list for today.  I later mentioned to my husband how I’ve been so good about sticking to my schedules, but that I was starting to feel like I needed to slow down.  I’ve been nursing a cold for a few days now too, which didn’t help matters.

Well, as the day progressed I found myself stranded at a friends house with a van that wouldn’t start!  After a jump didn’t work, I had to call a tow truck (i love my insurance company!).  Another girl friend took my two-year old and me home.  I had to laugh at all of it…The universe conspired to make sure I slowed down and took a day off!

When the universe hands you a “mental health day”, you take it!   I threw the doors wide and let the cool wet breeze fill my home!  I had the husband bring home dinner and I had a nice evening of not doing anything that was on my list.  Hoping to get the van back tomorrow and will try to start running a little slower.

False (albeit old) Advertising:

Because when Crayola markers are involved, how often do you really see your kids working on their next masterpiece?  More often than not, this is what you see.

Smart being my middle name (snort), I put the cap on before snapping the picture.

There are two visuals that come to mind when I hear the word “summer”.  One is bright green grass bathed in bright white sunlight, the sun is intense.  The other is kind of a dying grass bathed in a dusty orange and pink light, the heat is warm- but not in an overpowering way.

It is summer here in Arizona, in both senses of the word.  I captured this a few weeks back (our first 100 degree day of the year!).  I think the light and the processing just perfectly captures the dusty orange and pink of summer.

I woke up to these dark clouds this morning.  I could not be happier.   Sometimes I get so sick of the sun and blue skies here in the desert!

My kids weren’t pleased, today is supposed to be their field day, they are not keen on having to reschedule for next week.

I have to write a poem today, my mothers who write assignment.  I’ve known about it all week….but something about writing poetry with the topic of “teenager” just doesn’t inspire loquacious prose. I guess that’s the point though, stretch yourself and try harder.  Maybe I will use the stormy clouds of the sky to explain the stormy and sometimes dark years of teenager-hood.

p.s. you can follow me on instagram, applesonastick

Years and years ago after my first baby was born I found myself in need of a new swimsuit.  I found a dream of a suit at Lands End.  A beautiful light purple tankini that I found in the overstocks for a whopping $20.  I loved that suit, I loved that the bottoms were high waisted enough to hide all of that post baby tummy jiggle.  It eventually wore out and I needed a new one.

But this whole single income stuff…it makes swimsuit shopping hard (as does the 3 babies body I now posses).  What I am delicately trying to say is I’m cheap and my body requires expensive swim suits.  Have you seen how much swimsuits cost these days?!  Since my lovely purple swimsuit bit the dust I have been gimping along on past season Target suits.  Ill fitting and cost more than they are worth.

This year I decided I was going to get a good quality swimsuit.  I had been drooling over the retro polka dotted suits at Boden, and when a check came through for some client work I decided to splurge and buy a real swimsuit.  I ordered the suit and a pair of shorts and then began daily games of “who can spot the mailman first!” in eager anticipation of the arrival of said swimsuit.

Finally, it did arrive!!  But to my utter dismay it didn’t fit.  FYI, for Boden sizes, order one size up from your US size.  I shipped it back to exchange it for the larger size.  Then I began my stalk the mailman game again….but still nothing. After having seen and touched the swimsuit my love for it grew.  I just knew that this summer was going to be the best ever pool season, that is the power I have granted to this swimsuit.  So eager for it’s arrival I even drew a picture to help me visualize how amazing it’s going to look on me!

See, it looks great on!  It even gives me a little cleavage (I am so dreaming that any swimsuit can do that for me!)  But it has been nearly 2 weeks and I had heard nothing from Boden and was starting to panic.  This afternoon I called them up, the conversation went something like this:

Me: “Hi, I ordered a swimsuit and it arrived, but I ate too many Hershey kisses and it didn’t fit.  I sent it back in hopes that you would send me a larger size.  Did you get it?”

Helpful CSR: ” Oh, I’m so sorry about the Hershey Kisses.  Can you give me your order number please?”

Me: “Um, I don’t have it.  I threw it away and deleted the emails”.

HCSR: “No problem dear, can I have your name and addresses?  Can you verify a few things for me?”

Me: giving info

HCSR: ” No, we didn’t receive your order back.  I am so sorry, let us ship you a new swimsuit.”

She reordered the swimsuit for me and is sending it express shipping, she promised it would be here by THURSDAY!  In all seriousness I could not be more impressed with the customer service at Boden, they were extremely helpful and did everything they could to get my order back out to me.  I thanked the CSR over and over again!

Have you bought your swimsuit for the season yet?

A whole decade, its crazy when I think about it too much!  He has come such a long way in the last year, 9-10 was a big year of growth.  He is such a soft hearted little guy (shh don’t tell him I called him little!), and I just adore him.  He is always surprising me with something, the maturity with which he see’s a situation, a tender moment with his sister, or some snippet of information I didn’t know before.  He is like his father, a bottomless pit of random facts!

As we snuggled before bed the other day, I told him how much I loved him.  I told him that he is a part of me and that no matter how old he is or where he goes I will always be with him.  That when he goes, a little bit of me goes with him.

This was taken on Monday…see the binky?  You guys were awesome on the advice- thank you!  Ann’s comment really resonated with me- and my mother in law emailed me to say she agreed with Ann too!  I realized I had no good reason for wanting her off it.  Just this idea that she “should” be done with it by now…but guess what, she’s not.  All my kids have done things on their own time tables and I guess this one is no different.  She is still a very smart, sweet, snuggly little thing- binky and all!  I’ll try again- when she’s ready.

Don’t you just adore (sarcasm alert) that massive bear in her bed?  Her uncle bought it for her sister….can’t decide if I love him for spending a day playing with the kids or if I hate him for bringing that (much loved by the girls) monster into our tiny home!

oh psst you can follow me on instagram #applesonastick

(this picture has nothing to do with the post, but Aaron bought me flowers this week and I just thought they looked so pretty!)

We’re a pacifier friendly household.  All of my kids have happily taken a pacifier and nursed strong for at least a year.  I much prefer them to use a binky over their fingers…because I don’t want to deal with the drama that comes from thumb sucking (I have had friends try everything from mouth gear to nasty flavored nail polish).  You can take a binky away-but not  a thumb.  And here in lies the problem….

The baby (read 2 year old) still uses a pacifier.  I wish she didn’t.  I weaned the boy off of it at 18months and we talked my older daughter into throwing them away shortly after her 2 birthday.  But this child…she’s throwing me for a loop.  I have her down to only using it at bed time and nap time.  A girlfriend told me that when she wanted to get her daughter off binkies she started cutting holes in them.  So I tried that…she didn’t care.  Aaron and I decided that the best way would to be to just go cold turkey, so one day they just disappeared.  Nap time came and she cried the whole 2 hours.  Bed time came and she cried for over an hour.  Next day, nap time was the same.  Bed time, I caved.  I took a binky cut a massive chunk of it off and offered it to her.  She cried maybe 5min more and then went to sleep.  Usually I am really good at being the firm and consistent one, but I just caved.  I knew she was tired from 2 days without naps and I just wanted her to sleep.  There has got to be another way…she isn’t as verbal as her sister was, so talking her out of them isn’t going to work…

Please please tell me, how did you get your kids off the binky?  How do I teach her to fall asleep without it?

This week I took a very quick (24hours) trip to Salt Lake City to attend a meeting.  I forgot how much I missed spring!  The trees on Temple Square were in full bloom, tulips, paper whites and daffodils were standing brightly in attention.  It was just beautiful, and while the desert does it’s own unique version of spring, nothing can compare to a midwest or mountain spring.

Life had been feeling a little out of balance lately and this trip was just what I needed.  I went with some wonderful ladies and had such a nice time!  Adult conversation, spiritual edification, lunch at the Lion House (I never knew pot pie could taste so good!) and a wonderful dose of spring!

I’m planning a relaxing weekend that will include these delicious looking treats, dinner with new friends and a few simple sewing projects.  I hope your weekend will be just as relaxing!

xo